The Myth of the Catty Female Part I: Why Do We Love Catfights?

They're everywhere- reality TV (where adults behaving like 5 year olds get rich for it!), action movies, romance novels. Female competition. Girl on girl hate. Drama queens. Whatever you want to call it, we as a society seem to love it. People pay to watch women fight and backstab on shows like those Housewives of _____ and everyone seemed to enjoy a good female fisticuffs in middle or high school at least once- usually over a guy who always seemed to be sitting back enjoying he show, didn't he?

That's just it, isn't it? It's usually to be seen as attractive, the coolest, the best, in some guy's eyes, while he feels like a rockstar for encouraging two girls or women to argue over him (not all guys do this, I realize, and obviously not all women argue just over a guy!). God told Eve she would always "desire her husband". I don't think He necessarily meant sexually. I think the curse of human women is that as a whole, we're unnecessarily driven to seek male approval and attention. And yes, I mean "curse". It is in no way a good thing to obsess or fight over anyone's approval, regardless of their sex.

Sometimes, as I stated, this leads some immature women to do immature things for a guy. I know it can be a huge ego boost when you're the lucky lady. Immature guys may attempt to compliment you by saying you're "not like other girls", which may make said immature woman feel special. While Nice Guys who aren't all aggressive, stupid, and macho like Those Other Guys and love to hear you talk about your feelings and life because they're so sensitive do exist, they seem to in smaller groups, and they aren't usually as discussed or valued as the Guy's Girl (which I shall refer to her as from now on).

Why? Why is it men's opinions seem to be valued over women's? Again, the Bible speaks the truth, though I also have to somewhat agree with feminists that society just tends to prefer masculinity over femininity in most ways, despite the very feminist direction the West is heading into.

So, back to the catfights. I don't know about you, but I hate them. I love other women and wish I had a ton of them as best friends. Female friends as just the best. I think our general dislike of conflict makes them good listeners who are less likely to judge, usually, and they can give some of the most soothing words and sensible advice without coming off as lecturing you. They're fun, and they get why staying up late making a junk food smorgasbord to go with a Disney marathon and window shopping and trying to make new desserts (sometimes unsuccessfully) and having those deep conversations about life at 3 AM are some of the best ways to bond. I, personally, just relate to other girls better than guys. I've tried befriending some guys, but it rarely worked. If they didn't move away, they turned out to be judgmental jerks or tried to date me instead. That's my experience though; I know many guy friends rock! Just remember men are no more perfect than women are. They judge, start fights, and break off relationships for petty reasons, too.

I forget where I read this, but in some book years ago the author mentioned how two girls who from different countries and shared no common language could bond within- what, an hour? Whether or not it's factually true, I've seen similar things happen. Women love to connect. Our bonds we form with one another can be some of the strongest on earth. Which is absolutely not to knock men as friends or friendships between men. But female friends at just at heart, different from men. And that's OK. They don't need to be the same because they're not.


So many self-contradiction stereotypes and opinions of women that don't match up. I've already written more than I'd originally planned and still havent gotten to some points, so I think a part II is in order. Because this is an issue that's angered me for quite some time, it's rarely discussed much less promoted, and it needs to be said, even if only a few of you will ever read my blog. If it changes even one person's mind, I'll be ecstatic.

Do any of you have female friendships you value? What are some of your favorite female friendships in history? Do you tend to prefer women as friends?

The Uber-Feminist, Pro-Tomboy, Anti-Female Movement

It is appalling how many young girls and even grown women buy into the mistaken belief that motherly, gentle, "girly" girls are weak people and bad things to be. But the belief also goes that quick-tempered, aggressive, loud, immodest "tomboys" are better, because having womanly traits is for some reason wrong, just like boys being into playing war or something is wrong (assuming they're not unhealthily obsessed with it, obviously) but boys playing with dolls and makeup is supposed to be "good".

Women and especially girls often like to call themselves tomboys for rather irrelevant, silly things, like having an interest in sports (when I was in school, almost all of the jock girls WERE into nice hair and clothes), have no interest in fashion/makeup/cooking/child care (If you try not to look like a slob when you go out, you do care about fashion. Makeup isn't so important, but I fail to see how children and making good food are unimportant), don't like to dress up (most people don't). See? Little, general things like that do not make you a tomboy! Tomboys are pretty much men in female bodies, and almost all of the ones I've talked to, heard, or read about seem to have some general hostility towards more feminine girls, which makes sense- they are insecure about their own femininity, so they reject those who embrace it. It does not help at all that our society seems bent on encouraging girls to be boys and vice verse instead of being their natural selves. I've also noticed that a LOT of these tomboy types are very, very catty, judgmental, and even incredibly flirty and heavily desiring to appeal to males (to the point of becoming sex toys for them)- stereotypical "girl" traits. Ironic?

While I'm not into this myself, there is nothing wrong with girls having interests in sports, insects, action films, disinterest in homemaking-type activities or your appearance (though that will matter in situations such as job interviews), and such things typically considered to be what men like (or should like). However, going out of your way to disregard or even mock what is feminine or considered to be so and having an exaggerated interest in the aforementioned masculine activities/beliefs, is not OK. And that, dear people, is exactly what is going on now. Girls and women who embrace their natural, God-given femininity are generally seen as vapid, passive, and less worthy of respect, whereas more masculine, aggressive females are applauded. It is nearly always these females like this that hate lady-likeness, prefer hanging with guys because girls are "too dramatic/catty/random negative trait", and are very bitter and insecure about their own femininity, or, maybe, lack of. Being a lady is all about being motherly. Mothers are supposed to be loving, nurturing, sensitive, and gently stern. I'm sorry but, how in any faint way could any of those traits possibly be bad?

I think a small part of this problem- or maybe large, who knows?- has to do with the fact that many, many films centering around high school life have depicted the mean girls as being "girly". You know, their hair and makeup are always perfect, they're well-dressed, usually willing to fight over guys. (This stereotype, save for the last one obviously, is subjective, and therefore, not very true, in my opinion. The mean girls I went to school with had horrible clothes from Hollister and I couldn't stand their hairstyles and makeup! But you get the point.) But we can only control Hollywood so much, or even attempt to do so. Their determination to make things as neutral as possible for men and women is strong, and our half misguided society is buying into it eagerly.
It also doesn't help that men who are into "girl stuff", such as sewing, being well-dressed, cooking, being sensitive and quiet, etc. are made fun of. Most women claim they'd like a guy who is like that, but men tend to really snark at other men who are that way, especially younger boys. We need to ask ourselves: why is femininity being insulted? We may have come a long way from sexism in the 60s, but it's taken on a whole new twist now. We are as sexist as ever, if not more. These radical man-hating "feminists" who started the tomboy-worship movement as a way to become "equal" to men by becoming them are turning into what they originally hated in men! You don't need to hate men or call yourself a feminist to be like this; some of my own friends think they're tomboys (they are wrong, for reasons I listed) and some have implied they hate girly girls.

Honestly... that sexist, contrary sort of attitude just makes me want to be even girlier than I am. I already love makeup, cooking, kids, fashion, kawaii stuff, and beauty, and dislike sports and really active things, but it makes me want to not only act more feminine, but become a wife and mom so I can fully epitomize into the feminazi/tomboy antithesis. I am genuinely interested in and proud of being female, but even if this makes me as bad as the feminazis, I can be contrary.